I was recently contacted by a submissive who was experiencing a crash, a dark mood, a drop, after spending time with her Dominant.


Having never found myself in this state, it gave me pause.  I have certainly felt drained and spent, but never gloomy or depressed.  My first thought, probably inaccurate, was that it might be related to regret, or the “what’s wrong with me that I like this?” syndrome, which many of us have endured before accepting what we are and embracing our uniqueness.

This submissive then informed me that the she had ended that relationship, and has suffered no such plague with her new Dom.  What was the difference?

Apparently Dom #1 had little time for her, but could that have been the only reason?

The intense vulnerability and exposure realized in a night of erotic delights, creates an intense vulnerability and exposure for the submissive, leaving her open to a myriad of emotions.  As many of us are aware, a Dominant’s role is not exclusively that of being Master of pleasure and pain, but providing the all-important loving care during the precious minutes and hours that follow.

I have read that Dominant’s too, have ‘aftercare’ issues, but for obvious reasons I cannot address these, though I am very interested in hearing from Dominants and hearing their thoughts.

Obviously a submissive’s emotional health is of paramount importance, and the ‘aftercare’ is an essential part of the overall dynamic.  This must be somewhat challenging for the caring Dominant.  Every submissive has her unique ‘aftercare’ needs, and in my view, this is where a submissive must take some control and communicate what those are.  Many times we expect our Doms to be psychic, and they often are, but perhaps this is an area that is too important to leave to chance.

Finding that Romantic Dominant, the one who ‘hears’ us, who ‘gets’ us, with whom feel protected and safe, is a treasure, a sublime gift, one that must be cherished and nurtured, and never, ever taken for granted.  Providing that Dominant with the tools he needs to properly care for us is an integral part of our role as His chosen one..