la dame sans merci III
la dame sans merci III (Photo credit: sweethell)

vs. the domineering husband/boyfriend, in the vanilla world.  I was just listening to a dear friend of mine, complaining about her bossy, selfish, uncaring husband.  Personally, I think he’s just a bully.  But it makes me wonder how different it would be for her, if he was an erotic Dominant, and she, his sweet submissive.

Would the difficulties they experience, vanish in the world of BDSM?  Would the D/s involvement negate the need for his behavior, giving him the sense of security and power that is missing for him?  Or would it simply give him an excuse to spank her if he didn’t get his way?

The D/s dynamic is a complex one, and it’s true that some men simply use the words BDSM for their own convenience, rather that the exciting, erotic exploration that makes our toes curl and tantalizes us.  These men  lack the subtle understanding of what a Dominant – or Master – actually is. For them, it’s just a label – a justification for their behavior.

Is it that some domineering, vanilla  men, have a Dominant living inside them, and they don’t know how to liberate him, so become uncouth bullies?  They attempt to control and manipulate to satisfy their desire and lust for power?

I don’t have the answers, but the thoughts do swirl around my head, whenever I am engaged in these conversations.  What do you think?  Are domineering vanilla men just frustrated Doms?